Hellfire - SweetPoffin’s (Female Cover)
I can’t eat. I can’t be alone. I can’t stop crying. I get panicky when I have to check messages or emails about plans, the future has become terrifying. I just can’t see it anymore. I am so scared, panic attacks are becoming more frequent. I know I’m slipping back into self loathing and depression. the only thing that takes some of it away is company with close friends. even then its not enough; I feel like a burden. they shouldn’t have to hear or see this, i’m old enough to look after myself and get over things, so why is it so hard?
I such a fucking stupid person. I wasn’t strong enough for you and now im not strong enough for me. I came to uni and everything was perfect. I got away from all the stuff the tied me down and was slowly eating me. then you gave yourself to me, made promises, made love, made me give you everything. you’ve snatched that all away. you didn’t even give me a chance. I was single for so long to build myself into a strong person and you have taken that away. I don’t feel happy here anymore. your everywhere. every fucking little thing in my room is a reminder of you. things people say are the things you’ve said and I cant bare the stuff we shared. I cant watch Disney anymore, listen to rock, watch Netflix, shower, wrap up in my sheets, be open with people, look out my window. the list goes on and on. I bet your ex is laughing so hard right now. I really opened myself up to you and the thing that hurts the most is you reassured me into thinking that it would be me, but you broke up with me. I cant even speak to my family without the thought of vomiting. it was my decision to know if I was strong enough, you’ve taken that and everything else. im so so scared. what if I get depressed again? what if I take another tool and drive it into my body again? I cant sleep anyway and now at those long hours in the morning im totally alone. im alone again. my family are so far away and you have just run back to yours. your mum loves you so much and whether you like him or not, your step dad looks out a hell of a lot for you. you have your sister, the most precious darling in the world. I still love you and that isn’t changing because when I say things, I actually mean them and they don’t change as easily and I cant erase someone just like that. I know now im not good enough, to be a girlfriend or a lover or a soul mate or a companion. we wher just beginning something beautiful, but it was probably such a short space of time for you and you didn’t enjoy most of it anyway that you can just throw me out. while im stuck here, in a city I now hate, in a room that kills me to be in, but have to spend most of my time in because I don’t want to burden my class mates and flat mates. if you had any happiness taken away wen you ended this, you’ve taken all of mine too. its not really your fault, I was depressed and my mum was bi polar so I know how you feel, I understand even if you say I don’t. I was coping, but in your head where you’ve twisted things you think I over worry or arnt happy with you, how could I be? well I am in love with you, like it or not and now im having to deal with you dumping my sorry ass. and honest to god, i hate myself most.
"Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about rock-n-roll."
STEPH. CITY OF ANGELS. HELP ME OHMYGOSSHH
HAHA, its so fucking good!!! I relate to it so much :’) HALPP!